Choosing a Different Ride: Getting Off The Emotional Rollercoaster
- 9 hours ago
- 4 min read
We’ve all seen it, the golfer slamming his driver into the ground, the basketball player dropping her head after a second missed free throw, the baseball player ignoring teammates on the walk back to the dugout. In these situations, how do the athletes typically play moving forward in the game? Do they get away with it sometimes? Sure. But we can all agree they’re not striking confidence in themselves, their teammates or their coaches when this is the reaction.
Not many things are certain in sports, but two things are. 1, You will make mistakes and 2, you will experience emotion. How you manage these moments can be the difference between following that mistake with a great play, or beginning a snowball effect that is near impossible to salvage.
Now I want to be clear, this article is not about suppressing or ignoring your emotions, instead it’s about experiencing them while responding effectively anyways.
What Is Emotional Regulation?
First let’s define it simply: Emotional regulation is the ability to experience emotion without being
controlled by it. I want to emphasize:
● Emotions are automatic. It can be scary to have a challenge in front of you with an uncertain outcome. It can be frustrating to come up short in a pursuit you care about. And It can be deflating to give your all and not get the chance you feel you have earned.
● However reactions are trainable. This does not mean you have to let anxiety turn you into a shell of yourself, let anger make you do something you’ll regret or allow disappointment to drive you towards giving up.
The typical response is trying to get rid of the emotion as quickly as possible. We expect, “calm down” or “you’re good, it’s fine” to be a magic wand that fixes everything. This is like putting headphones on when a friend is yelling at you. Might work for a second, but it’s not solving anything.
Why Athletes Struggle With Regulation
Well it is a skill that is untrained and for most people an uphill battle. An uphill battle, because in our world what is reinforced? Winning, great stats, personal bests, all results that we don’t have direct control over. When we notice these things leading to praise, then it slowly becomes a belief that this is what matters over all else. It begins to make sense that we feel pressure in order to obtain that praise, and when it doesn’t go our way a strong emotional reaction surfaces. Many view coming up short as a threat to their identity and our brain REALLY wants to protect you from threats. So, your brain goes into overdrive to try and protect that from occurring.
The Magic Fix
Tricked ya, there is no magic fix. Anyone that tells you there is, is either lying or misinformed. The reality is it takes consistent awareness of your reactions, recognition of what matters to you and the ability to return to the present moment. This takes reps like any skill you have developed in your sport. I am going to give you a technique to try, but investigate like a scientist what works for you. What works for your teammate may or may not be helpful for you. Take what you love, leave what you don’t.
Let it RAIN
RAIN is a step by step mindfulness framework that helps you work your way through a difficult emotion. This is like a surfer choosing to ride a big wave to the shore rather than fighting against the wave and getting thrown about.
● Recognize: The first step is to be aware of what you are feeling and label that emotion. Ex: “I am feeling anxious right now”. This step seems insignificant but labeling has actually been shown to minimize the intensity of emotions. Research has shown that labeling literally reduces activity in the amygdala and limbic centers in the brain (in charge of emotion responses). (Lieberman, et al., 2007). This is the equivalent of taking your headphones off and beginning to listen to your angry friend from earlier.
● Accept: Allow the emotion to be there. It is not wrong, you are not broken, it is okay. Remind yourself that it is normal to experience emotion. “If you want to win tug-o-war, drop the rope”. This is like listening to your friend rather than rolling your eyes or yelling back at them.
● Investigate: One of my favorite Ted Lasso quotes is, “be curious not judgemental”. We don’t learn anything by jumping to conclusions about what we should or shouldn’t be feeling, or what is going to happen in the future. Ask yourself some open, curious questions.
○ What am I feeling right now?
○ What kind of thoughts are going through my mind?
○ What might this be telling me about what matters to me?
Oftentimes you will find that what you are facing is something that is important to you, so you are feeling a big emotion. This is listening to your frustrated friend and asking questions to understand their perspective rather than trying to fix the problem.
Link to that Ted Lasso scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5x0PzUoJS-U
● Next/Nurture/Non-identify: There are different forms/opinions on what this section is called so I invite you to pick your favorite. The consensus is about understanding that your current thoughts/feelings have NO indication on how you will perform moving forward or who you are as a person. Return to the present moment with some slow and controlled breathing and ask yourself, “What’s important now?”. Let that guide you rather than whatever emotions have been popping up. Give it a try, but if you would like to discuss more about this topic or ANY mental skill get in touch with us today and we will be happy to help!
Written by Brandon Davis, M.S., CMPC
Resources
Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M.
(2007). Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in
response to affective stimuli. Psychological science, 18(5), 421–428.
